He led me on😢💔 (Part 2)

EVERY OTHER DAY THAT FOLLOWED, I couldn't wait for the next conversation Denrele and I would have, he was a breath of fresh air. He was fun to talk with and kind, his voice had a way of making me feel comfortable.

I always thought I was radical about my Christian faith until I found a match. He told me about how he found God and has been committed to his local church for the past 5 years. His pastor could call on him anytime. I was astonished that I could find such a strong believer in a random business conference. I'm glad I did. We would talk at length about our plans for the future, just as friends.

There were days we would share what we learned at church or in Bible study. He always gisted me about the arguments in his church unit. There was a day they argued about being saved by works and grace or just grace through faith alone.

He asked me about my view on it. I also wanted to impress, so we went at length. I quoted Ephesians 2:8 as the icing on the cake, we couldn't be saved by whatever we did because then we'd have something to boast about. The Bible says it's faith, believe in your heart and you're saved. We have to embrace that God is the only one with the power to save us, not what we can do. I felt his satisfaction with the answer I gave, and it made me happy.

I looked forward to our chitchats every other day. There were days we'd also talk about our red flags and green flags in relationships, there was so much to learn while having fun and joking around. After we got to know each other for about two weeks. I knew it wasn't going to end there, he enjoyed talking to me and I enjoyed it too. I was waiting for the day he would finally talk about what he felt for me.

I know it seems weird to assume he liked me already, but every sign was a green flag. There were times he'd send me movies to watch, and tell me how a friendship date would be fun, but he doesn't have the time yet.

I hated that he tagged it like that, saying "a date" felt more befitting. I didn't know if I should have asked him what was going on in his head, I didn't want to sound desperate, I decided to continue observing.

 A particular day cleared all my doubts. He called me that evening and was sounding worried.

 "I don't know anyone else to trust with this matter." He said.

He wanted us to agree in prayers and assured me that he was going to tell me the issue later.

I felt this was the first step, maybe he wanted to know what he truly feels for me, then take our relationship to the next level. Looking back now, I was really foolish.

We prayed together that night and I felt at peace. When we were about to hang up I almost said "I love you" but I stopped myself, what if it was all in my head? I had been waiting for him to say something about it for two weeks. It hurt that he hasn't made any move yet.

But I continued to think about us. I guess I shouldn't have. I fed my feelings for him by talking to him every day and thinking about him. The same way my convictions in God grows every time I feed my spirit with His word, and communicate with Him daily.

The next day was when my heart cracked. I felt like cursing him.

"Tomi, I need your advice concerning what we prayed about yesterday." He sounded plain. "What's that?" I asked, wasn't he convinced about me?

I wasn't ready for the shock that came next. He spoke about him and a special friend from his church, how they kept on going on and off, unsure about their feelings for each other.

"I thought I had moved on, but 4 days ago she sent me an "I miss you" text and the surge of feelings came back."

I hated that I had to listen to all this as his friend. He continued with how he assumed the feelings had died because he found someone new.

But he didn't know if the new lady felt the same way, so it was safer to be with his first potential. He didn't mention if I was the one, but I could tell.

Should I have spoken up?

He needed my advice on how to make sure their situationship doesn't end this time. My heart bled. I had to give relationship advice to the one I had grown feelings for. I said what I could and cut the phone, the tears were already building. I lied that it was a network issue.

Since then I stopped picking up his calls, I responded to his texts later than usual, and I gave him space. Worst of all, he didn't even notice the distance. And just like that, we got to a point where we only replied to our posts occasionally.

It's how he avoided the existence of the deep bond we had formed. I felt like tagging him as scum but I had to get over myself.

How do you talk to me so well and lovingly and expect me not to feel something? Was I just for fun while a lady kept you waiting? Couldn't you have moved on first rather than entering my life and leaving abruptly? I let an undefined relationship preoccupy my mind. Maybe that was wrong, but Denrele gave me every reason to think it was true, that wasn't right also. I felt deceived, I trusted him because I knew we were both believers, so we won't mislead ourselves.

But he's still a human being after all.

I learnt my lesson, anyone could throw words around and make me feel safe with them, but it's my job to set boundaries and define every relationship early. God helped me heal. I didn't involve Him from the start of things with Denrele, but since then, every relationship had to be prayed about first and defined. Oh, I also got an invite to their wedding last week, Denrele and Sophia. Of course, we are still in touch, I never told him how what he did broke me. I forgave him, that's what Christ would do right?